Dark Passenger

Once I realized
you were there—
spoke the words

"I'm sure I'm capable
of terrible things"—

you sprang to life,
started building coffins
for my past
& for my future.

You started the howling
in the back of my brain—
from the place I refused
to accept existed.

When were you born—
when I was three
& needed protection
but no one ever came
on a white horse

or even a dingy one?

Were you there when
I butchered myself—

silently patient,

waiting for me to see
it was never myself
I hated?

I see you now—
an unnatural black deer,

eyes burning in
the color of rage

& antlers sharp enough
to pierce souls.

I've waited for you
my entire life—
waiting to love

our new dreadful face.